An Essay I Wrote on Gay Marriage back in 2012

I came across this essay I wrote back in 2012. I was for the most part still closeted at the time and yet I decided to pick this topic to write the paper on. Its strange reading it almost four years later.

Gay Marriage: For or Against

The debate on whether to legalize same-sex marriage is one of the most controversial and most talk about issues in the United States right now. Both sides are very passionate about their stance on whether to legalize it or not. As of now the federal government does not recognize same-sex marriage; however there are six states that have legalized it. There a few other states that has “civil Unions”, which give some of the marriage benefits to same-sex couples. This issue is one of the most heated topics in US society and politics and does not seem likely to cool down anytime soon.

The Opposing Side

There are two types of arguments opposing Gay marriage. First there is the religious aspect which claims that in all major religions marriage has always been between a man and a woman. This argument has been debated heavily since people argue that we do not base laws on religious values. There is another argument that is given for opposing gay marriage, the argument that marriage is a cultural issue, and that it has always been culturally between a man and a woman and established for the purpose of procreation, and is the basis of society’s moral code. If we allow same sex marriage, we are changing society’s basis of a procreative relationship, and it would affect the cultural function and meaning of marriage (Somerville, 2003). The argument is that gay marriage is not a civil rights issue, like interracial marriage, and that the government restricts marriage for reasons other than just same sex, such as cousins cannot marry in some states, and people with certain diseases cannot marry, or more than two people cannot form a legal marriage. There are guidelines to what marriage should include, that do not restrict marriage solely on the basis of gender, and these are to the benefit of society. If we determine marriage solely on the basis of love between two people it can lead to including the marriage of two sterile siblings who love each other or multiple partners getting married. The bottom line is that marriage was established for procreation and if we use the basis of love, marriage loses its logical basis. Furthermore the argument that a gay couple cannot have legal rights as a committed couple is unfounded, for example hospital and visitation rights can be granted by writing a will. The only restrictions gay couples have are those costly to the state, and since there is no real benefit to the government through gay marriage, there is no reason to grant them the right (Kolasinski, 2004).

More reasons for opposition.

Children are raised best by Heterosexual couples; therefore legalizing same sex marriage is to the detriment of children.

Polygamy will be next to be legalized.

Churches will be forced to accept gay marriage.

Public schools will teach children about homosexuality.

(nationofmarriage.org, Marriage matters).

Gay marriage will lead to “Group Marriage” (Kurtz,2003)

The Defending Side

The argument for Gay marriage is firstly a constitutional one. According to the 14th amendment everyone has a right to marry, and if we restrict same-sex marriages we are denying people with same-sex orientation the right to marriage, and a family. They argue that Gay marriage does not erode society values, but in fact strengthens them. Marriage integrity is not based solely on procreation; in fact a successful marriage is more about love respect and commitment than solely about procreating. Same-sex couples have been found to have just as strong relationships as straight couples, so the more relationships that show long term commitment and love, can only serve to strengthen society’s view of marriage (Latham, 2011).

More reasons in support of Gay marriage.

Same sex marriage ban is similar to the original interracial marriage ban, and it is a civil right being taken away from same-sex couples (Mathabane, 2004).

It’s simply a civil right that a minority group should have and does not. (Espuelas, 2008).

After doing extensive research on whether same-sex marriage is harmful to society etc., the leading associations of psychological, psychiatric, medical, and social work professionals have concluded that those fears are completely unfounded and in fact any successful relationship is helpful to society, whether it is a same sex one or not (Commonwealth of Massachusetts v. US dept. of Health and Human Services, 2011).

The 14^th Amendment and the Equal Protection Clause

One of the biggest arguments for same- sex marriage is the Equal Protection clause established in the 14^th amendment,

.All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws (US Constitution).

Advocates for same sex marriage claim that by not having the right to marry this clause is being violated.

Public Support

As of 2011 the US public is split evenly down the middle on the issue, with some polls suggesting majority are for same-sex marriage, which is a huge change from 1996 when only 25% supported it (Silver 2011).

My Opinion

I am for same-sex marriage. I do not see how it can be detrimental society or religion whatsoever. First off this only applies to a very small minority of people in the US, if you are straight there is no way this will affect your life in the slightest. In fact I don’t think it should be an issue that heterosexuals should vote on since it does not apply to them in any way at all. Obviously the law works differently so we can’t have voting based on sexual orientation. The religious issue should not even be mentioned in terms of gay marriage. If your religion does not allow same-sex marriage that’s fine. No one is trying to change religions. This is purely a cultural and legal issue, besides we are not supposed to establish laws based on religion. As for the whole so called “marriage” term having to do with procreation, I believe that is complete garbage. Marriage itself is a religious creation, however today many secular people get married and there is no requirement to be religious, proving that marriage has evolved into a legal standing and nothing more. If someone is religious they have a separate ceremony connected to the religion anyway.

What I see is two types of people who oppose same-sex marriage, religious people, and homophobic people. I do not think they are necessarily one and the same. Religious people are worried that same-sex marriage will somehow go against their religion; I feel they are wrong but that is what drives them. But then there are the people who claim it has nothing to do with religion, and it will ruin society, or they just feel it’s weird, or whatever other excuse they give. Those people are plain and simple homophobic, meaning they have an unfounded fear of homosexuals. There is simply no other explanation.

I do feel that homosexuality is portrayed in a bad light due to the media, who portray gay people as overly flamboyant cross dressing feminine men. That fuels the homophobia, not that this is an excuse. It still does not mean that gay people should not have rights that the constitution promises them.

In conclusion, the issue of same-sex marriage does not seem to be going away anytime soon, and the debate will rage on. It is sad however that in a country that proudly proclaims it is the land of the free, there are still people that do not have the same rights as other people, and are still persecuted and shunned by society. Obviously society’s view on homosexuality has changed for the better; however there is still a long ways to go.

The "Achrei Mot/Kedoshim" Conundrum

Note: Before I write this I just want people to know this is just an opinion, and I personally like to be matter of fact. If I offend anyone I honestly do not mean to.

This past week was the Parsha that is the only mention of anything related to Homosexual activity in the written part of the Torah. Many religious Gay people always feel bad this week in shul and have a hard time with this portion of Kriat Hatorah. I feel there are a few things about this entire issue that needs to be said.

The Gay Persons Aspect: (Note the Biblical prohibition is exclusively for men)

First off one has to understand that this weeks parsha does not make the issur any stronger because it is mentioned. It just happens to be the week it is mentioned. Of course I understand hearing it out loud in shul can be hurtful, but remember the week of Achrei Mot/Kedoshim is just like any other week in a Gay mans life. The issur is a constant. My point is that a person needs to work on coming to terms with the issur on his level, and if he does than he should be able to sit through this torah reading content with his lot in life. Of course this is way easier said than done, but that should be the aim.
Do people think that perhaps the reason it hurts more on this specific week because its blatant and it brings up underlying guilt that is there all year round?
*This is a Question not a judgment*

The "Straight Community" Aspect:

There seems to be a train of thought within many circles in the orthodox world that during this weeks parsha it is a responsibility for them to get up and speak out against the current LGBTQ political climate. This is ridiculous in my opinion. When we read the portion of "Avoda Zara" do we have congregants giving speeches against Jesus? When we read the portion against "Adultery" Do we speak out against secular societies view on relationships? Of course not. Why is that, it is because there does not seem to be a threat to the orthodox community due to these modern societal values. When it comes to the "Gay Issue" the orthodox world is at a loss and feels threatened by it. Now that does not excuse the pulpit thumping against LGBT relationships and Marriage in shul. There is no place in a shul to have a political opinion on secular society based on your religious doctrine, especially when A: it does not apply to the majority of the congregation B: it can be hurtful to the select few Gay people in your congregation. In fact it may even fall into one of the worst Aveirot categories: Shvichat Damim (Metaphorical spilling of anothers blood) one of the only UNFORGIVABLE sins in Judaism. Tread carefully Rabbis when dealing with this, You may be sinning in one of the worst ways without even realizing it.

Optimism For Gay Men in regards to religion:

There are various theories within the confines of orthodox Judaism trying to explain this one single Issur of acting on gay desires within halacha. Many theories have been discussed about what the pasuk really means. I personally read and recommend rabbi Chaim Rappaports book "Judaism and Homosexuality: An Authentic Orthodox View" for all LGBTQ people to read. It is the most comprehensive study of homosexuality within orthodoxy ever compiled, and discusses almost every aspect and theory on the subject. However this is not an easy book to read, due to its matter-of-fact halacha only take. I also highly recommend suggesting this book to any straight person or rabbi that actually wants to know more on the halachic issues within homosexuality.

At the end of the day Being Gay and Orthodox is not and will never be easy. But it can be easier. Hopefully every person that feels especially down on this specific week can see the bigger picture, and eventually be able to walk into shul on parshat Achrei Mot/Kedoshim and still feel proud that he is walking in his truth.