There is this ridiculous myth, especially in the orthodox community, that it is possible for an individual to turn another individual from straight to gay. One of the big arguments of the community for not speaking about the topic of homosexuality, is the fear that it will influence some innocent kids to become gay,
And that is exactly why we need to have more dialogue about homosexuality, to dispel such ridiculous myths, maybe if some frum people knew im not a threat, to their kids (lol), they would have some more empathy....
besides if the myth were true, then shouldn't i be straight, due to the "influence" straight people have had on me while being raised.?
sometimes the logic of people boggles my mind lol.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
What Will My Future Be Like?
Something that bothers me and haunts me every day, is what will my future be like? Am i destined to be stuck in the frum community, as a nebach single, who everyone pities, or am i destined to leave the community, and not have much to do with my family? Will i marry a lesbian? or is there another option?
Any of these do not really seem appealing to me, so what do i do? what does anyone in my situation do? I know there are small groups of frum people in the same situation, and they have built some kind of semi community.but have they looked towards the future, what about when we are old, and alone, what then...
Any of these do not really seem appealing to me, so what do i do? what does anyone in my situation do? I know there are small groups of frum people in the same situation, and they have built some kind of semi community.but have they looked towards the future, what about when we are old, and alone, what then...
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Mind Consuming
For some reason when a person is gay, and hiding it from everyone, it becomes your main thought. Its like everything you live revolves around the fact that you are gay, every time you go anywhere, somehow it manages to come up in you mind that you are gay, i wonder if its because of the fact that we are hiding it, and our minds work as a sort of "companion", sounds a little weird, but i think its true.
Since we dont really have anyone to talk to about being gay, or to express our feelings, (in a healthy way anyway), our mind becomes consumed by the fact that we are gay.
That is why i feel it is important to have people to talk to in person about it, online friends is not enough, at least for me it isnt, so my next goal is to make friends that i can be open to about the fact im gay, and i dont mean friends for relationships.
Good luck to me lol.
Since we dont really have anyone to talk to about being gay, or to express our feelings, (in a healthy way anyway), our mind becomes consumed by the fact that we are gay.
That is why i feel it is important to have people to talk to in person about it, online friends is not enough, at least for me it isnt, so my next goal is to make friends that i can be open to about the fact im gay, and i dont mean friends for relationships.
Good luck to me lol.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Do We Make Frum People Frummer?
Ever notice how the gay issue, brings out the ultra frumness in most frum people, especially the guys lol. When the NYC gay marriage law was passed, the frum news forums, were going crazy with doomsday predictions, and rants about how hashem will bring his wrath on the world,
how come this issue inspires so much worry, and and ehrlichkeit, as opposed to other aveiros such as sinas chinom, for example, which brought down the bais hamikdash, isnt there more sinas chinam in the frum community, than people that are acting on gay desires, so why is this the HOT BUTTON issue, that brings everyone to a frenzied mess?
hmmm i wonder...
how come this issue inspires so much worry, and and ehrlichkeit, as opposed to other aveiros such as sinas chinom, for example, which brought down the bais hamikdash, isnt there more sinas chinam in the frum community, than people that are acting on gay desires, so why is this the HOT BUTTON issue, that brings everyone to a frenzied mess?
hmmm i wonder...
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Marrying a Lesbian?
What are the alternatives to having a steady relationship with another man?
Well of course i want to have the dream jewish family, kids, a home, yom tov with the family etc, but one thing i will never do is marry someone i am not attracted to, without them knowing, one its probably against halacha, and two i would be living a lie, i am not judging anyone that has, it is not in my place to do so, but i know that i could never do that.
So whats the alternatives? well either you find a straight frum woman who doesn't mind someone who cant provide sexual intimacy, or you make an arrangement with a gay frum girl, who is technically in the same boat as you, and marry out of convenience, i wonder if this has been done before, and if it can work out...
Well of course i want to have the dream jewish family, kids, a home, yom tov with the family etc, but one thing i will never do is marry someone i am not attracted to, without them knowing, one its probably against halacha, and two i would be living a lie, i am not judging anyone that has, it is not in my place to do so, but i know that i could never do that.
So whats the alternatives? well either you find a straight frum woman who doesn't mind someone who cant provide sexual intimacy, or you make an arrangement with a gay frum girl, who is technically in the same boat as you, and marry out of convenience, i wonder if this has been done before, and if it can work out...
A little Bit About Myself
Hey everyone,
ive decided to start a blog, to post my various thoughts and feelings on being frum and gay. I want to focus the blog more on the community and social aspect, vs the halachic aspect, because i feel there really is no point in debating the halacha in question, it will not get us anywhere. My grammar isn't perfect so bear with me,
I am the average frum guy, i grew up in brooklyn new york, in a very frum and heimish family. I did not realize that i was gay, until i was in my late teens, although i knew i was attracted to men, since i was eleven years old. I just never really knew what it meant to be gay, i always thought it was normal to like men, and that i would eventually like women as well. That never happened. throughout high school, i suffered from social anxiety, even though i had plenty of friends, and now that i look back, the fact that i was gay played a huge role in that. After i finished school, i went into a period of deep social anxiety, and have just started to emerge from it now, it is a very slow and tough process, and it still seems almost hopeless at times, but i have no choice but to move on with life.
In regard to the frum community, i have a very deep resentment toward the community as a whole, which i realize is not healthy, nor will it get me anywhere, but the fact is its there. And it eats away at me all the time, why are we a small minority (or maybe not so small) so shunned, and avoided, by the community? why is it that this issue is never written about in frum publications, why are there no organizations to help us deal with this issue, when there are so many institutions for all the other problems, that people go through. For some reason this issue is ignored so much, that many people do not even realize there is an issue! The truth is i kind of understand why this is different than the other community problems, but it does not make me resent, or mistrust the community, any less.
I am not out to anyone, besides for a therapist who i speak to, who is actually very sympathetic, and we discuss the issue, and the community problems involved constantly. My family does not know, and it is getting to the point where they will have to find out, but i do not want to tell them, it will break my parents hearts.
As of now, i am a closeted frum gay man, disillusioned with religion, and especially the community, i live in, where i go from here, i do not know, but one has to keep on living no matter what....
ive decided to start a blog, to post my various thoughts and feelings on being frum and gay. I want to focus the blog more on the community and social aspect, vs the halachic aspect, because i feel there really is no point in debating the halacha in question, it will not get us anywhere. My grammar isn't perfect so bear with me,
I am the average frum guy, i grew up in brooklyn new york, in a very frum and heimish family. I did not realize that i was gay, until i was in my late teens, although i knew i was attracted to men, since i was eleven years old. I just never really knew what it meant to be gay, i always thought it was normal to like men, and that i would eventually like women as well. That never happened. throughout high school, i suffered from social anxiety, even though i had plenty of friends, and now that i look back, the fact that i was gay played a huge role in that. After i finished school, i went into a period of deep social anxiety, and have just started to emerge from it now, it is a very slow and tough process, and it still seems almost hopeless at times, but i have no choice but to move on with life.
In regard to the frum community, i have a very deep resentment toward the community as a whole, which i realize is not healthy, nor will it get me anywhere, but the fact is its there. And it eats away at me all the time, why are we a small minority (or maybe not so small) so shunned, and avoided, by the community? why is it that this issue is never written about in frum publications, why are there no organizations to help us deal with this issue, when there are so many institutions for all the other problems, that people go through. For some reason this issue is ignored so much, that many people do not even realize there is an issue! The truth is i kind of understand why this is different than the other community problems, but it does not make me resent, or mistrust the community, any less.
I am not out to anyone, besides for a therapist who i speak to, who is actually very sympathetic, and we discuss the issue, and the community problems involved constantly. My family does not know, and it is getting to the point where they will have to find out, but i do not want to tell them, it will break my parents hearts.
As of now, i am a closeted frum gay man, disillusioned with religion, and especially the community, i live in, where i go from here, i do not know, but one has to keep on living no matter what....
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