So it is already halfway through September, which means I've been pondering for a while already. I just want to air out a few observations from over the past year etc. :)
Religious Observance and Being LGBTQ
So for the last few years i have been struggling with my religious beliefs which ironically has very little to do with me being gay. However I always get the feeling that whenever someone from the LGBT Jewish religious community hears about my religious observance, they automatically assume "I'm another one lost" and that my religious observance is completely due to the fact that I'm gay. This is very insulting actually because it belittles me down to basically making life decisions due to social pressures. Plus I do still care immensely about the religious LGBT community and the importance for advocating for them at all times, against a usually hostile environment from both sides.
The Myth of an LGBTQ Jewsih Community in New York
This may sound harsh but it is my personal feelings. Having come out a few years ago and benefited greatly from organizations such as JQY, Eshel, and Or Chayim to name a few, I still feel that there isn't really an inclusive Jewish LGBTQ community in New York. I have always felt somehow sidelined and non inclusive within certain parts of the community. Maybe it was due to me being religious, or maybe it was simply due to my own insecurities, whatever the case is there should be a stronger effort to build an Inclusive community for all LGBTQ Jews no matter the level of observance, age, or any other small issues. We need each other for support and we must ensure everyone feels welcome. This is something that I have not seen yet over the years, and have spoken to others that feel very alienated from the Jewish LGBTQ groups for a variety of reasons. If leaders of the organizations really want to change things they should have a panel between themselves how to ensure this happens, because right now it is not happening.
There is also the problem of people that have overcome certain struggles and have moved on from the Jewish LGBT circles, that do not stay around to offer support for the newer people coming out etc. I understand not everyone can be busy mentoring people and the like, but showing up to a meeting and saying hi to some new members and showing them just by being there what success can look like is vital.
Finding personal Purpose and Meaning again in life after Coming Out
Something that I personally find very tough, and I have spoken to others that feel similarly is the feeling of meaning and purpose is hard to find when one becomes a part of the LGBT community. Growing up in the orthodox Jewish community, my life was instilled with purpose and meaning since i was a child. Whether that meaning was legitimate is debatable but the fact is it created within me the idea and focus that life is about more than just myself. What i have found in the LGBT world seems to be the opposite. I feel like i have gone from looking for a life with purpose and depth, and ended up in a world that is all about sex, pop culture, bars, and partying. Of course this is just my perception but i don't think anyone can deny that the New York LGBT scene specifically is quite "shallow" for lack of a better word. This is very disheartening, and alienating especially for people who are used to having the things they do in life seem to have a larger purpose. What i am trying to say is for some coming out of the Religious world and into the gay world can actually have a highly negative effect on people and make them feel completely lost.
Cliques, Drama, and Speaking behind peoples backs
These are things that I admit i am guilty of as well. There are many cliques within the Jewish gay community, this makes other people feel left out and awkward especially at social events. Then there is the drama and backstabbing. We are marginalized already as it is, why do we create even more issues and negativity between ourselves? Is it just human nature, or is it something else? whatever the case is much work is needed on this subject.
Leadership Variety and Transparency
We as a community are very lucky to have leaders like we do. We have some amazing leadership within the various groups and it is not to be taken lightly. Being a leader is not easy and kudos to all those who are always there to help people that need it. However there is a need for leadership that goes beyond just being gay. We need leaders from different backgrounds, religious observance, and previous Jewish communities. We need variety. We need people to feel that they have a voice speaking for them within leadership positions. The Jewish LGBT community is a very eclectic mix of people from all different walks of life, and right now the leadership is very specific. Work needs to be done about this because leadership is what keeps communities intact.
The Future
The truth is the future of the Jewish LGBT community is very bright. We as a community have achieved so much in the last 10 years. Support groups, Minyanim, Social events, and so much more. Friendships have been created that would never have happened otherwise if not for these grassroots groups. People would not be able to find support and a place to go when struggling if not for these organizations. However the key in success is to not stagnate. Stagnation can be worse than backtracking sometimes, we must be aware of that.
Personally
For me the New York LGBT community probably saved my life. I made friends for life, was given life changing opportunities, and was even able to help other people as well. For that I will always be thankful. However its time for me to move on. And without this community I would not have been able to move on to bigger and better things to come. So while I may seem critical above,I am not unaware of how much this community has helped me, and for that I owe many people a lot.
